May 12, 2005

A new day, a new project

I feel a bit bad. Due to the passing of time and things getting all a bit hectic and what have you, I have unwittingly neglected my responsibilities. This is going to stop, and after the drought there shall be a flood. Or at least a steady trickle.

There's not enough venom and bile about these days. I set up the I Hate Keane site as a way of expressing my utter digust of purile bollocks, but I really have dropped the ball on this one. Lethargy and complacency are simple habits to fall into, and I did so especially easily. Luckily I'm picking the ball up again, and this time it's going to be bigger and better than ever. A mighty big ball!

But more details will follow in due course.

I'm re-opening the I Hate Keane site, more as a forum for discussion than a window for my own personal vitriol. I know some of us hate them, and some of us, for some ungodly reason love them, and that in itself is enough reason for the site to exist in the first place. So let's be having you. Again.

In this vein, I feel like providing a rundown of all that I despise, musically. I went through all my favourites and Desert Island choices a little while back, so this is the total opposite. And if anyone disagrees with me, thinks I'm a twat, or adversely completely agrees with my choices, please let me know. I love comments!

So in no particular order, and with no links because that would be doing them a favour:

The Streets - Chav royalty with no talent, who can't sing, has rubbish lyrics, and has no personality whatsoever, yet is for some reason adored by many and worshipped as being 'cutting edge' and postmodern. Post-any-bloody-good more like. Crap.

Maroon 5 - Ear-crumplingly shit, brain-addlingly tits, pile of wank. Rubbish name, rubbish songs, sub jazz-pop, half-arsed or couldn't be bothered American idiots - this lot have no endearing qualities whatsoever, but once again, are adored by many, are apparently attractive, and have their songs revered as instant classics. Sad, so sad.

Athlete - This has been suggested to me. I own their first album, which does have a couple of good songs on it, but now they are the epitomy of a not-that-great band who have had way too much money thrown at them (see Coldplay for more evidence of this) and now can't write a catchy song for love nor money because they're too interested in maintaining their artistic credibility. Bland bunch of arse.

Natasha Bedingfield / Daniel Bedingfield - Morons, the pair of them. Can probably sing, but so can my arse. One made songs in his bedroom and sounded like a woman to become famous, the other rode bareback on her brother to gain fame. All a bit depressing. It's probably in everyone's interest that they be put down sooner rather than later.

Razorlight - Try and name or sing any of their songs. Can't, can you? Lead singer is a pompous arrogant twat. First against the wall and all that.

UB40 - I could never understand what people saw in this lot. At least with Wham! or Duran Duran you could never say that their songs were bad pop songs, even if they were basically shit, but this lot were, have been, and always will be completely shit. Even their most famous song is a cover of someone else's song. If you were to ask me to sum up in one word all that is wrong with the human race, I would say "UB40".

Sting - I fucking hate Sting. From The Police to today he's always been a cock. A stuck-up, arrogant, annoying, unlistenable, famous for no good reason, pile of cock. I don't care about your music, I don't care about your sex life, and I don't care about you. Please stick your head up your arse and shut up.

10cc - Personal reasons.

Robbie Williams - I don't really have to explain this do I?

Joss Stone - Oh my god. She is the epitome of shitness. Oh but she's so pretty! No! She's not! She looks like someone punched her with a bulldogs arse. Oh but she's got such a beautiful voice! Which is a carbon copy of umpteen other soul singers who were miles better anyway, and sung from the heart and from personal experience. Oh but she's only famous because she's so talented! And because her dad is fucking loaded and has paid for all the recording sessions and publicity and make-up artists. That's all. My life would be better if she got sucked into a black hole.

Anastacia - Four-eyed crock-of-shit with offensive voice and unbelievably abysmal songs. My old boss thought that Anastacia and Sunderland FC were the two best things in the world, and that says a lot. Her mouth is so big she probably threatened to eat the whole recording industry to get a record contract. Terrible taste in clothes, and her music is even worse. Plus, she seems so have inspired that woman out of The Black Eyed Peas. The bitch.

There are many more where those came from, but that's a good start.

And yeah, I'm going for the Clark Kent look.

And I'm not going to see The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy at the cinema, because a) that cock out of The Office (pile of shite) is in it, and he wore a cravat on Jonathan Ross so is obviously a wanker, b) they invented some new characters especially for it - why????, c) the Vogons look shit, d) I never imagined there being an MTV special about Hitchhikers, but that's what I was subjected to the other day, and I'm not overstating it when I say that it was top-grade suicide material, and e) I have my own idea of what the books meant to me, and the images they have left in my head, and I don't want that ruined thankyou very much.

Beverley Knight is crap as well.


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