It's better than a kick in the shitter.

I read something brilliant today, and really wanted to write about it, but didn't have my notebook to hand and so couldn't write it down and have therefore forgotten it. Drat.

Note to self: take notebook everywhere from now on you idiot.

I also had a strange experience with two young women right outside my front steps. I was casually walking home from Marks & Spencers with some nice frozen cod, about to descend the steps to my door, when someone behind me said "Err, hello?". So I said, "Err, yes? Hi?", turned to see who it was, and was confronted by two young ladies, probably not much older than myself. So I'm thinking either they want to borrow a lighter or they want to assassinate me. And then they said "Hello" again, and THEN they went COMPLETELY MENTAL and started going "Oh! Hasn't he got lovely eyes!" and "Just look at those eyes!!" and "Wow!!!!". I was of course totally scared shitless by this, so did the only thing I knew would get me out of the situation alive: I giggled uncomfortably and ran away like a jessie. I didn't have far to run, seeing as I was about four and a half foot from my front door, but it was a very traumatic experience nonetheless.

I had to go out again half an hour later, and I was still very scared and was worried that they might be hanging around to kill me or drag me back to their lair and disembowel me, but they had gone so I was okay. Phew.

Points for the day:

1) I cannot believe how godawfully shit Internet Explorer is. I have to use it at work because large conglomerate corporations can't see when something is rubbish because they have bigger and badder things to worry about, so I'm stuck with using a pile of wank! And my site looks like total pants in IE! And I can't figure out how to sort it out! And it's annoying! So if you are looking at this in IE, STOP NOW!!!!

2) How funny are you guys? The 'Dog Wash' Competition has turned out way better than I ever expected, so the pressure is on for me to produce a rollickingly good prize. The winner will get a gherkin (obviously), but there needs to be some sort of special recognition here... Leave it to me, I'll work something out.

3) Kylie has breast cancer. I used to think Kylie was better than sliced bread and had zillions of posters of her stapled all over my walls. Now however, she is little more than a performing arse, so my love for her is greatly diminished, in fact you might say extinguished. But cancer is a very very bad thing, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, so get well soon Kylie.

4) I cooked a great dinner on Sunday. Tomorrow I'll do a Jamie (not the Oliver kind) and type up the recipe for your delectation.

5) Well done West Brom. Not that I support you (I support QPR, for my sins), but well done all the same.

6) A question: Why can I never get enough sleep?

7) Cheers Dad. I am hilarious aren't I?