May 06, 2005

Friggy Frig

The sodding seagulls just do not stop shagging! It seems like they are constantly at it. Squawk, squeak, squeal, squawk, squeak, squeal, squawk, squeak, squeal, all bloody day long. And now the rabbit has started knawing everything again! You have food you mad little fluffbag! Eat the food and not the nice cabinet from Habitat please. And now some chav or chavette in their 1984 Golf GTI has pulled up outside the pub round the corner and is playing some shite cod-R+B rubbish by Jimmy Bollock Kananga feat. Willy Wankbo. And now the people who live behind our flat have yet again begun sawing up some wood, which they seem to do ALL THE TIME, and are making a very loud and persistent wood sawing noise, surprisingly. How many kitchen units can you fit in one house? I should ask them. Maybe their house is like the Tardis, except for kitchen units. There he goes again (almost a song by The Las). Later the drunken tossers will spill out on to the high street and yell really loudly for no reason at all, and then hang around in the square out the front yelling really loudly for no reason at all, until they decide to go somewhere else a bit further up the road, maybe near to a kebab house, and yell really loudly for no reason at all until they spontaneously combust.

Does anybody have a nice peaceful cottage in the middle of the countryside that they could give me, please?

Here are Mrs L and myself in South Park style. I'm looking particularly 'street', and Mrs L is looking particularly 'forest'. The likenesses are, I have to say, rather uncanny. Thanks to Rach and Southy for guidance.

I'm officially looking for jobs again. Brilliant. My new job isn't going badly, it's just that I hate it. If anyone knows of any really brilliant jobs that pay well and aren't mind-numbing, and just happen to be in the central (or even outer) Brighton area, maybe something involving creativity, intelligence and skill, then feel free to drop me a line. I'm great, and I work me socks off. Gizzajob.


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