April 03, 2005

Too many things!!!


Oh my life! My head is crammed full of stuff today. I have also been stockpiling things to talk about on here, and it is rather heartening to see that the list doesn't contain anything too dodgy, risque or shit. I wonder about this kind of thing. Am I strange? Do other people think I'm weird? It can't just be me who thinks this, can it? Do I more often than not bore my readership to tears? It's thoughts like this which weigh heavily on my shoulders, so in a bid to reduce the boring/interesting ratio I have (Shock! Horror!) WRITTEN DOWN my thoughts on a piece of paper. I know. I still, as yet, haven't gotten around to walking fifty metres up the road to WHSmith to purchase myself a 50p notebook. It might be considered funny if it wasn't so sad. But yes, I, Tim, have written some things down, so in descending order (in other words from top to bottom, you know, the normal way of reading) here is my list:


STEFAN DENNIS

Finishing early has it's benefits. Firstly, I get more hours away from work to enjoy the sunshine, and to frolic amidst the daisies. Secondly, I don't have to watch every other fucker finish their work and go home before me (which I always had to do at my last job), and get demoralized. Thirdly, the shops are still open when I finish, so I no longer have to leave all my errands until Saturday or Sunday. In other words I can now relax at the weekend. A small luxury, but a pleasant one. Fourthly, and best of all, I get more time with the missus! But there are some downfalls too. Well, one actually. If I'm stupid enough to turn on the telly when I get home, I undoubtedly catch the arse end of childrens BBC, or as it is more commonly known, Neighbours. When I was but a young 'un I used to follow this crap religiously. Every day at school my friends and I discussed how Todd, Des and all the other bastards were doing. In retrospect I can dismiss this period as mere juvenile banter, and that's lucky, because basically Neighbours is a pile of shit. Even Australians think so! It's just a vehicle for untalented wannabes who want to be famous in Europe. Look at Kylie, Jason, Craig, Holly. Well, Kylie and Jason. But you see my point.
So who did I see when I turned on my ogglebox the other day? None other than the not-so-young-anymore Stefan Dennis, that's who, trying to get back on the career ladder by doing what any self-respecting failure would do. That's right. Re-join the cast of Neighbours. This move certainly has a whiff of the Leslie Granthams about it, and look how that turned out. Sometimes you just shouldn't bother, and in Stefans case, well, he wasn't even popular the first time around, so no matter how many socks he stuffs down his pants, NOBODY IS INTERESTED ANYMORE. If I was in that situation I'd do a Bill Berry and go and live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. A far more rewarding experience I'm sure.
And I'm not turning the telly on again either.

HOUSE SWAP

It just so happens that Brendan Benson (singer songwriter, very good) is touring the UK this month. Me and Mrs Lagomorph would very much like to see him, but unfortunately he's not playing Brighton, and we hate London, so Dad, we'd very much appreciate it if you could lend us your flat for a couple of days at the end of the month. Also could you please cover me at work. And feed the rabbit. Cheers in advance.

SHAVING

How crap is shaving? Really crap is the answer you're searching for. Every time I try a new way of shaving (diagonally downwards and then up a bit, pour example) it always, always goes tits up, and I end up with either shaving rash, spots, painful skin, cut skin, emotional scars or a combination of the lot. It's rubbish. So anyway, I was watching a programme on the telly t'other day, and this professional shaving bloke was showing this scruffy bloke how to shave properly. He was really methodical and exacting, and also really convincing, so being a mug, I was completely taken in with the whole idea that maybe, one day, I could shave properly and be a smooth-skinned wonder! So I tried. And it felt good for about an hour. But then it started feeling all dry and tight, and the next day my stubble felt like it was growing out all wrong and was painful, and the next day I started getting itchy and spotty. So basically, despite what the professionals may say, shaving can never be easy and painless, it will always be crap and poo, and I'm going to stick to what I know best. I don't need to be told twice.

DOCTOR WHO

I'm not interested in this. Never really was. But I was willing to watch more than 20 seconds the other night, just to give it a chance. So what do I see? An actress painted blue, acting really badly, and some CGI robot spider things unconvincingly pulling the blue-faced one into an air-conditioning pipe.
As I'm sure you can understand, I changed the channels, and will not be going near this rubbish again. And don't tell me I'm wrong about this, because I'm not.

BLOODY GOOD MULTIMEDIA STUFF

Following on from my post the other day with all the music videos and graphics things in, here as promised, is more of the same, and this lot will definitely eat up your bandwidth (sorry Vince), and should work on every computer. Yes, even Macs. Firstly, more Shynola stuff because their stuff is just really good and makes me go "uh, duh, how the hell'd dey do dat?". First up we have a short film called 'The Littlest Robo'. Most impressive, as Darth Vader once said. Next up is a Grooverider video called 'On The Double', then we have Junior Senior's 'Move Your Feet', followed by Radiohead's 'Pyramid Song', UNKLE's 'Eye For An Eye', and possibly my favourite, Lambchop's 'Is A Woman'. All top quality bananas here. Next up is the new Chemical Brothers song, 'Believe', which is a pretty decent tune with a pretty decent video by some chaps called Dom & Nic, I think. Next are a couple of things by some guys called Pleix who, like Shynola, make amazing promos, although if anything theirs are even more impressive. Here is Basement Jaxx's 'Cish Cash', Plaid's 'Itsu', and Futureshock's 'Pride's Paranoia' (I wrote Futuresock; a much better band name I think). And lastly, I suggest visiting these websites: SAW, DONNIE DARKO and REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. They are all by a bunch of webbies called Hi-Res. They're very fucking clever, and I really haven't got the faintest idea how they do this stuff. Not a clue. I'm baffled.
Which leads nicely on to...

SAW & OLD BOY

We saw (chuckle, guffaw, yuk yuk) both these films last night. The website for Saw is mad, and so is the film. It's a bit like Se7en, but not as nice. It's well made, dark and scary, and had us gripped from start to finish. Nice twist too. We recommend! Old Boy is a bit more hard work. It's Korean for a start, and tends to assume that you know what's going on, when actually it's slightly confusing and not obvious at all. I am kind of used to this, being a lover of asian classics like Akira and Ring, but Mrs Lagomorph was just plain confused. Still, it's beautifully shot, very clever, nice and violent and also, I thought, very funny. It may contain some pretty leftfield subject material, and be very violent indeed (the teeth being pulled out with a clawhammer is a good example), but overall it floated my boat and I would definitely recommend it to my nearest and dearest. Although Mrs L would probably disagree.

THE FALL

We're off to see this lot again tonight. Maybe this time the gig will actually go ahead. I shall review it in my own inimitable style tomorrow. If it goes ahead.
Fingers crossed.

And in the next post we may have a guest postee, as well as an example of Mrs Lagomorph's 3D thing.

I'd also just like to say to Dad and Queenie, where were your top ten bands/albums/films, eh? I was looking forward to seeing who you would choose, but you let me down. However, you still have time to submit your lists, so consider this your cue.
Until next time.

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