April 18, 2005

The Chiropractor


I used to have to see a chiropractor. Yes, back problems happen even to the best of us. It would have been about five or six years ago now, and the problems I was having were down a chain of events that all started with a visit to Ireland, slightly too much excess, and not enough self-awareness or brains. The usual. So anyway, I utterly rogered my neck in. So much so that one day, before I had to go to work, I couldn't actually move my head in any direction. I was pretty frightened about this, as it wasn't something that had ever even vaguely crossed my mind as being a physical possibility. But here I was, head locked in a straight ahead position, and even that was painful as hell, as my head felt as if it was too heavy for my neck. So, being a bit worried about this, as you would be, I grabbed the Yellow Pages, flicked through for something.. anything, that would help relieve this bloody horrible pain and head-not-being-able-to-moveness. I found a chiropractor that was literally right round the corner from my flat, begged (and I mean BEGGED) the receptionist to get me an appointment the same day, and within an hour was being examined, prodded, and then rather violently jerked back to some kind of normality. It was great! I could move again! Still rather gingerly of course, but it was movement all the same.

I proceeded to engage on a rather long and drawn out course of physical therapy with this kind chiropractor chap (he was dutch, and very nice), and I think, went back for approximately fifteen or twenty sessions. My injury and neck problems took ages to get even slightly better - I'm still a bit sore and clicky now - but they did help me get pretty much back to normal, flexibilty-wise.

The worst thing though was the way that I had to lie around in all sorts of weird positions while the nice chiropractor chap pulled and jerked my limbs all over the shop. I mean, having your head twisted violently to the left and then to the right, is not a fantastically appealing prospect, but it certainly seems to do the trick. Some Japanese people did a similar thing to me when I was in Australia. There fingers and thumbs and all sorts going into the base of my skull, and bloody hell it hurt. But again, the old neck really felt brilliant after it had recovered from the onslaught. But I digress.

So anyway, one time I'm lying there all prone on the chiropractic table thing, and the very nice chiropractor is once again pulling me about like some kind of skinny flesh-coloured rag doll, as he had a tendency to do. He gets hold of my leg, and gives it an ever so slightly harder than normal yank towards my head, and what happens? I only let out an almighty fart (and a loud one at that) right in his face, didn't I. It's not even as if I needed to fart! It was just one of those natural things that happens sometimes. You know, the muscles were in a particular position, the stars were in a certain alignment, that kind of thing.

As you can imagine, I was a touch embarrassed. I apologised, made rather muffled small talk, paid the bill, and then left smartish. I can't even remember looking him in the face. I was that embarrassed. And I haven't been back to that or any other chiropractor since. I appear to have developed, what some might call, and irrational fear of them. It's only natural.

I was so embarrassed.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this with the world. Perhaps it's just something I have to do; a form of emotional cleansing, you might say. Whatever, it hasn't really helped, but if it brings pleasure to others, then at least it won't have all been in vain.

So! What is your most embarrassing moment? Seeing as I've aired my dirty linen in public, it's seems only fair that you lot should too. So let's be having you...

And here are some rather strange pictures I found, apparently depicting ancient chiropractic techniques (although round here we call them something else):



And lastly, and on a completely different note (thank god), here is a really very very very good 3D animation video thing wot I found here innit. The music isn't really my kind of thang, but the animation is great, and that's all that matters, wouldn't you agree, eh?

Here it is.

So there you go then.

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